Questions to ask your husband about the life you share

Married life runs on a thousand small arrangements nobody chose out loud. These questions ask about them: who does what at home, when a purchase becomes a joint decision, how long guests can stay and what takes more out of him than you realize. They lead to practical changes, not just talk.

Pick a calm evening, not the middle of a busy week, and ask two or three. If one sparks a plan, write it down before you move on.

1. Which shared responsibility would you like us to divide differently?
2. What takes more energy from you than I realize?
3. What do I do around the house that you'd miss if I stopped?
4. What do you need from me when you say you'll handle something?
5. What's something you'd spend more money on right now?
6. What would you spend money on that you think I'd resist?
7. At what price does a purchase stop feeling like an individual decision and start feeling like a shared one?
8. What purchase are you glad you made without asking me?
9. What do you pay someone to do that your family would always do themselves?
10. How long could we have someone stay before it became difficult?
11. How often do you want family to visit without planning ahead?
12. What would make a shared holiday house stop being worth it?
13. What would you arrange differently if we were moving in together today?
14. Should the person who cares most about how a chore is done usually be the person who does it?
15. What helps you switch off after a difficult day?
16. What's the first sign you're more stressed than you're letting on?