Questions to ask your partner about their childhood

A lot of how your partner behaves now started at home: what their family treated as normal, what adults praised them for and what they only found out later. These questions reach back there without turning into therapy. Some of the answers will explain a habit you have wondered about.

Ask one at a time and let it run. If your partner mentions a place or a food, make a plan to see or try it together.

1. What did your family treat as completely normal that you later found out wasn’t?
2. What did adults praise you for as a child that felt like pressure?
3. Which adult from your childhood actually understood you really well?
4. What made someone seem wealthy to you as a child?
5. What did you want to be when you were younger that you still think about?
6. What do you do or say that you picked up from your parents?
7. What part of your upbringing did you first question after spending time with my family?
8. What did you find out about your family later than you should have?
9. Which expectation from your family have you decided not to follow?
10. Which place from your childhood would you most like to show me?
11. Which food from where you grew up would you want me to try?
12. What food did you dislike as a child but enjoy now?
13. What was your favorite birthday?
14. What was the first big decision you made against your family’s advice?
15. What was hardest about living away from your family for the first time?
16. What do you wish you'd asked your parents while you had the chance?
17. What was your first job like?